Dating After 40: The First Time … Calling Him

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

A guy you’ve been emailing from a dating site has given you his number and requested you call if you want to talk. You’re grateful because you’re uneasy giving a stranger your phone number.

His number sits on a Post-It on your desk. You pick it up several times a day. But you put it down each time. Without dialing.

You like his profile and his pic. His emails have been interesting. So why don’t you call?

You don’t know what to say. You’re afraid of stammering and stuttering and sounding like an idiot. You have no trouble making business calls, but this is different. You don’t have much practice doing this, since the last time you dated men made the first move. The Internet, stalkers, and safety concerns have changed all that.

So the ball is in your court.

You could always wimp out and write him an email. Or an IM. Or just give him your number. But no, you want to hear his voice, and yet you’re uncomfortable giving out your number, no matter how nice and sane he’s seemed so far.

You know you need to dial the phone. But how to start?

Review his profile or whatever you know about him before dialing. If you want a cheat sheet, prepare 3 or 4 open-ended questions. Open-ended questions get people to talk more. They start with how, what, who, why, when and require more than a one- or two-word response. You could start with “Tell me about…,” “Help me understand…,” “I’m curious about…,” “Share with me…,” “I’m interested in….”

You could ask questions that elicit a “yes” or “no” answer, but then the conversation can stall. If he’s a bit nervous, he won’t elaborate. So prompt him with a question that invites him to talk more.

Also, don’t interrogate him with rapid-fire questions. Make sure you comment on his response before asking another question. And allow him to ask you some questions. I find it best to end my answers with a question back to him, even if it’s just, “What do you think on that topic?”

Here’s a sample for you.

You: Hi Mark. This is Sally, also known as SunnyBright from Match.com. I wanted to call and say “Hi.”

Him: Hi Sally. It’s nice to finally hear your voice.

You: Thanks. It’s nice to hear yours, too. I liked your profile and I’ve enjoyed our email exchanges. You are an interesting guy. (A little sincere flattery is a good way to begin. Don’t comment on his pic by saying that you think he’s cute, as the pic could be from a long time ago. When you meet, he might not look much like his pic.)

(Now ask him an open ended question. Something from his profile.) I thought it was interesting that you said you were an East Coast transplant. What is the most striking difference you’ve found from living on both coasts?

(If you said, “Do you like living on the West Coast?” or “Do you miss the East Coast?” he could just answer “yes” or “no.”)

Him: The people here are more open and friendly, which is great. I haven’t had time to meet a lot of folks, but am getting some friends from work and the sailing club.

You: I remember you said in your profile you liked to sail. I love to sail, too, but haven’t been out in a long time. I love the wind on my face and being so close to the water. What’s your favorite thing about sailing?

And you’re off. On the first call, people commonly ask, “What are you looking for in a romantic partner?” But they often express that in their profile — even if it is typically nebulous. And people aren’t particularly willing to go into a deep discussion on the first call. You want to know if you might be a match, but unless he says something that is totally off-putting, you can’t really tell if you might be a match or not.

Some women also try to feel out a man’s readiness for a committed relationship and his interest in having a family. A guy may say he’s ready to settle down, but doesn’t know he isn’t until he is in a relationship. So you can ask, but a guy may say what he thinks you want to hear — not because he is purposefully lying (although some will), but because he’s not really clear on what he wants, but doesn’t realize it.

The purpose of this first call is to see how easy he is to talk to. If it is difficult to maintain a conversation, it’s not good. If he talks 90% about himself, how much money he makes (or the material goods he has that tells you how much money he makes), how horrible his ex is, or curses or gets sexual, then no need to bother meeting. However, most people are on their best behavior on the first call, so if there is nothing odious about him at this point, it’s probably worth another call or coffee.

But let him ask! Don’t say, “Shall we get together?” or “Do you want to have coffee?” Yes, you’re an assertive, take-charge, twenty-first century woman. But this is not the time to show it. It will come out soon enough. You shouldn’t be something you’re not, but allow him to make the invitation. Unless you’re into shy men, he needs to show enough interest — and confidence — to suggest the next contact. Even if he says, “I’m up to my eyeballs in work the next few days. Let me call you back in a day or two,” that is a good sign. If you don’t want to give your number, say, “No problem. Email me a good time and I’ll call you back in a few days.”

R.L. Morgan, "The Dating Goddess," brings you her experience from the front line of dating after 40 -- having dated 73 men in 2 years after her 20-year marriage broke up. Read her insights and lessons to help you date more effectively. She's a bestselling author, Oprah guest, and speaker. Read all of the Dating Goddess's wisdom at Adventures in Dating After 40, http://www.DatingGoddess.com

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Dating After 40: The First Time … Calling Him

A guy you’ve been emailing from a dating site has given you his number and requested you call if you want to talk. You’re grateful because you’re uneasy giving a stranger your phone number.

His number sits on a Post-It on your desk. You pick it up several times a day. But you put it down each time. Without dialing.

You like his profile and his pic. His emails have been interesting. So why don’t you call?

So the ball is in your court.

You know you need to dial the phone. But how to start?

Here’s a sample for you.

You: Hi Mark. This is Sally, also known as SunnyBright from Match.com. I wanted to call and say “Hi.”

Him: Hi Sally. It’s nice to finally hear your voice.

You: Thanks. It’s nice to hear yours, too. I liked your profile and I’ve enjoyed our email exchanges. You are an interesting guy. (A little sincere flattery is a good way to begin. Don’t comment on his pic by saying that you think he’s cute, as the pic could be from a long time ago. When you meet, he might not look much like his pic.)

(Now ask him an open ended question. Something from his profile.) I thought it was interesting that you said you were an East Coast transplant. What is the most striking difference you’ve found from living on both coasts?

(If you said, “Do you like living on the West Coast?” or “Do you miss the East Coast?” he could just answer “yes” or “no.”)

Him: The people here are more open and friendly, which is great. I haven’t had time to meet a lot of folks, but am getting some friends from work and the sailing club.

You: I remember you said in your profile you liked to sail. I love to sail, too, but haven’t been out in a long time. I love the wind on my face and being so close to the water. What’s your favorite thing about sailing?

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Dating After 40: What’s Your Kissing Quotient?

Recently I’ve had six dates with a guy, but only one passionate kiss — on the fifth date! Before that I got pecks hello and goodbye. I began to wonder if he thought of me as a pal — or worse, his sister! But he treated me and touched me in ways that said otherwise. I’d think, “This guy just doesn’t like kissing,” but before we even met he asked me if I liked to kiss and I said yes. So I don’t think that’s the problem.

Only one other guy took more dates — six — to passionately smooch. Other guys have locked lips too much and too soon — some within minutes of meeting me. So I’ve begun to wonder if each person has a kissing quotient. And you have to work it out with potential partners so both person’s kissing needs are met.

There are several kissing quotient criteria:

* How soon – After first meeting someone, at what point do you feel it is appropriate to passionately kiss? This can vary widely depending on the person and the attraction you have to each other. However, do you have some general guidelines? Tyra Banks has said she never kisses on the first date, and if a guy tries to plant one on her lips, she turns her cheek. She wants him to really want to kiss her during the second date!

* Frequency — Some people like to kiss a lot — both pecks and passionately. Do you like a lot of kissing, some, or hardly any? Some people can interpret lots of kissing as lots of attraction. Others feel it shows neediness and clinginess — or horniness!

* Timing — Do you like kissing anywhere you feel drawn to your partner — on the street, in the movies, in a store, or do you prefer private necking — in the car and at home? Or do you like making out only in bed?

* Duration — Some folks like to kiss for hours. Others for only a few minutes. What’s the length of time you’re comfortable necking?

* Style — Some people have no kissing foreplay. No nibbles or suggestive busses. They just start full bore. If you like nibbles and he’s a “full court press” guy, there’s a mismatch. I’ve even tried to teach guys how I liked to be kissed, with not a lot of success.

Of course, all of this depends on how much you enjoy canoodling with the other person. If you don’t consider him a good kisser, you’re probably not going to extend your lip-locking activities.

Hmmm. Maybe my beau du jour doesn’t like my kisses! Or maybe he is afraid they will make him get weak knees and he’ll lose his decorum!

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Top 10 Ways to Seduce Women

It's one thing to know how to attract a woman. Any guy can get dressed up, style his hair nicely, and look good at a bar. But how do you take the next step--SEDUCING a woman?

Camille Paglia said that "Pursuit and seduction are the essence of sexuality. It's part of the sizzle.” Indeed, it's not enough to look good. Showing your interests, flirting shamelessly, using body language: these are all ingredients that make the thrill of the hunt so fun and seductive."

First let's look at what a lot of guys do incorrectly in trying to get a woman to bed:

1. They talk down on themselves

Never, ever talk negatively of yourself. It's one thing to joke about yourself; for example, if you trip while walking her somewhere, say, "I meant to do that," not "Oh, I'm such a friggin' clutz!" Show confidence and belief in yourself. Make her believe that your life goes on without her; you've got so much going on that you can deal with rejection.

Also remember to be CHOOSY. Nothing shows confidence like asking a girl questions about her OWN career. Instead of being intimidated by her questions about what you do and what you like, intimidate her with your own questions! Show her she can't intimidate you--YOU are the selector, not her!

Another great way to seduce women is to play games and break her balls. Tease her mercilessly and put her down in front of her friends. This shows both confidence in yourself, and humor. Both of which turn women on greatly. They don't want a guy they can run all over; they want a guy who will PUT THEM IN THEIR PLACE!

This only serves to stir up chemicals in her brain, such as PEA, that make her attracted to you. Talking about seducing women!

On the other hand, don't make the next mistake, which too many guys unfortunately do...

2. They talk TOO highly of themselves

While it's great to show belief in yourself, it's not a good idea to come across as an arrogant jerk. If anything, talking really highly of yourself shows insecurity and selfishness...not ideal characteristics to portray when trying to get a woman in bed.

3. They have bad breath

You can have everything else going right: you're making her laugh, she's into you, you're flirting just right. But if you've got bad breath, how can you expect her to want to even kiss you, let alone go home with you? Guys, make sure you have some Binaca, gum, or breath mints handy at all times.

4. They're not dressed well

This is a simple one. If you look like you just woke out of bed, no girl's gonna be attracted to you. Let alone seduced. You don't have to dress like a model, but you sure as hell should watch what you wear and how you present yourself.

What colors work best? In my course I go through all the best colors for catching women's attention and turning them on, but generally, you can't go wrong with jeans and a white shirt, black pants and a burgundy shirt, or all black if you want to give an essence of cool and rebellious.

Just make sure you're well-groomed! The best clothes in the world won't make up for bad hygiene and messy hair--facial or otherwise.

5. Bad posture/Body Language

Yeah, a little thing like bad posture can go a big way towards stopping your seduction goals. It's really important to sit up straight and have your shoulders back. You want to convey confidence and control as much as you can. Leaning over and not looking a girl in the eye will sabotage your efforts.

For more information on reading female body language and giving off the right body language gestures of your own, make sure you check out the .

6. Bad BO

Bad body odor is definitely a no-no. Guys, wear deodorant! And don't overdo on the cologne; it's not a substitute for a fresh shower and anti-perspirant, and sometimes, less is more.

7. They get really, really drunk

Yeah, we've all had one of these nights. You drink a little too much (or a LOT too much), act like a creep, get really aggressive, stink of alcohol. All of it combines to drive the girl away. That's not seducing her to bed; it's inducing her to leave!

Instead, show that you don't need alcohol to get a woman to bed. The thing is, only YOU can attract women. Alcohol can't make you someone you're not. It all begins with a commitment to developing
your foundation: your inner game, your self-belief, your ability to embrace the moment.

8. They try too hard

Nothing makes a woman want to get bed with you less, than you pushing her to do more. Guys who plead with women to come to bed, grab onto them without their consent, and say really obvious things like, "C'mon, come to my place, it'll be fun," are destined to a night alone. Girls don't want to seem easy; they want to feel like a man earned her body. Thinking a woman will go home with you when you basically tell her to...is not thinking at all.

9. They don't listen

Sometimes listening is all you need to do to get a woman excited. Give a girl your ear, and she'll give you her heart. Don't underestimate this understanding her and giving her a chance to be heard! Women are all about building bonds, building CONNECTIONS, so listening her to goes a long way towards making yourself more attractive.

In my How to Be Irresistible to Women course, I teach you some great ways to show a girl that you're actively listening--and how to make her more active in return. Unfortunately, too many guys only want to talk about themselves. That's a bad mistake.

10. They don't have any confidence

This is the biggest problem. Even when a girl is interested in them, so many guys don't know how to proceed. They think too much about what to do, instead of just relaxing and seeing what happens. Of course, you have to have some rough idea of how to steer things to the bedroom, but for the most part, the best way is to just settle in, flirt, and talk like you mean it. The girl will take care of the rest.

For more information about building confidence, how to seduce women, and how to make women feel a gut, emotional attraction to you, check out my How to Be Irresistible to Women course. Details below!

James Brito, author of "How to Be Irresistible to Women" and "The Art of Impressing Women," reveals the secrets of female attraction. Since 2000, he has helped thousands of men around the world build killer confidence and get the women they deserve. To get his free six-part audio mini-course, go to:

http://www.000relationships.com

Because it's YOUR turn!

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Online Dating Tips-I See Someone I Like-Now What?

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So, you’ve signed up to a couple of dating sites and have actually found a few people you’d like to get to know better… maybe even date. What do you do now?

Well, you can put up your profile and wait for someone to contact you, but you’ll probably get much better results if you take the initiative. When you find someone interesting and feel the urge to say "Hey", don’t be bashful! That person may just love to hear from you. After all, they created a profile, just like you, in hopes of meeting someone. You definitely won’t know unless you contact them and find out.

Ladies, don’t be shy - men love to be pursued!

How do you initiate contact?

The most common ways to contact someone is with an email, an instant message, or a ‘wink’.

I recommend saving the instant messaging until you’ve exchanged a few emails because it gives you more time to think about what you are going to say and to get a feel for the other person. Once you get more familiar with each other, then you can start chatting.

If you don’t have a paid membership, you’ll most likely be limited to using ‘winks’ or ’smiles’ or something similar. These are canned messages that will say something like "Nancy is interested in you" or "Joe winked at you". Winks and smiles are a quick way to say hello but drastically limit your ability to pique someone’s interest. This puts a lot of pressure on having a terrific profile because it will have to do all of your talking for you.

Email is best in the beginning.

Emailing a potential date is a lot like flirting. The purpose of the first email is to get them to respond, to open a dialogue. You want to get their interest but leave it open ended so that they will respond back to you. Keep your emails short and charming. Another tip: don’t send a barrage of emails to one person, follow their pace and try to keep up. (If they send 4 a week, you send 4 or so a week.)

So How Do You Write That First Email?

When replying to personal ads, try to be, well, personable. Write at least a paragraph or two about yourself and what you like about them or their personal ad. Many of the principles of profile writing apply to email, such as staying positive, being honest, and paying close attention to spelling and grammar.

Meeting someone online is very exciting and can make you feel like a love struck teenager, but do your best not to sound like one. Most of us are looking for someone that is a little more mature, someone that has potential for being a lifetime partner. When you first start communicating with a person, there is nothing wrong with flirtation, being happy, and laughing, but make sure it’s not over the top. Also, don’t start by pouring out your soul, telling him or her all about your ex-spouse or ex-significant other. Avoid talking about personal things such as financial problems, health issues, or stories about your dysfunctional family. This is a huge turnoff, and an excellent way to scare someone away. Save that kind of talk for your Thursday night poker game or day at the hairdresser. If you are a single parent, a little bit of conversation about your kids is fine to break the ice and find common ground, but remember you are trying to build a romantic connection, so keep it too a minimum.

Always be honest!

If the relationship moves forward, the truth will come out eventually. It’s far better to be yourself up front rather than tell a silly lie in the beginning, only to be found out and have a potential relationship fall apart.

Keep it positive!

The last thing anyone wants is to send a message to someone and in the response, hear all about their past failed relationships, health problems, or financial woes. You can share the doom and gloom after you get to know each other a little bit. Or better yet, just put all that stuff behind you and move on. There’s no time like the present to start fresh!

Compliment something you found interesting in their profile.

This is where it’s important to read the person’s profile. It gives you things to talk about. For example, if you are a woman and you find a man interesting and he has Labrador dogs just like you, you could say something like, "Hi. My name is Mary and I noticed in your profile that you have Labs. I do too!" From there, give a brief description of your dog, mention that you would enjoy hearing back, and sign off.

Avoid overtly sexual comments.

Don’t come on too strong at first with sexual innuendos and try not to comment on the person’s photo. Find something a little more ‘deep’ to comment on, maybe something they said in their description.

Find a way to continue the communication.

The main point of the first email is to get them to notice you and to respond back to you. Don’t give up too much information, but tell them enough to get them interested. You are trying to get a conversation going, so asking questions is a good idea, as long as you don’t ask too many.

Mention things you have in common, and ask a question or two about them.

For example, when you first start messaging with someone, you could ask, "Did you do anything fun this week?" "Do you have any great plans for the weekend?" This will help you learn more about the person without seeming nosey. After you have been communicating with someone special for a while, you can use innocent questions to see if you can find an opening in time when the two of you might meet.

Try to avoid long letters with little details that might be considered boring.

Keep it to the point, but try to let your personality shine through. Then, a good rule of thumb is "compliments and questions." An earnest compliment on the person’s accomplishments, writing style, or life goals will say a lot.

Here are a couple of good, ice-breaking starter topics:

If you live in the same area, comment on the area, or something relating to it. If you don’t live in the same area, you can ask questions about where they are.
Music and movies are also a good conversation-starter; most everyone likes some kind of music or movie.
Maybe you went to the same college or better yet, a rival school. Poking fun at rival schools is always a fun way to break the ice.

And sign your real first name…
If you work this right, the person will contact you back. Remember, even if you get a response, you’ll have to keep their interest. In the emails that follow, keep asking questions and keep complimenting (while remaining honest and positive). When you feel comfortable, you can move on to more intimate forms of communication like instant messaging, the telephone, and eventually, meeting in person.

If a day goes by and you haven’t heard from them, rather than inundate the individual’s mailbox with messages, leave one short, sweet message that provides a small hint to prompt him or her to reply.

Remember…

Don’t give out your full name, personal email address, or phone number in this initial email; wait until you’re both interested and it’s apparent that it’s going somewhere.

Wait. Get more great articles like this one at http://www.AskDanAndJennifer.com Ask Dan and Jennifer your most pressing questions on Dating, Relationships, Love, and Sex, and take a sneak peak at what others are asking.

Click here to get their free "Online Dating Secrets" ecourse and weekly blog updates. You'll also get the latest dating, relationship, love, and sex content sent straight to your email inbox.

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Why Dating A Russian Woman Has Become Popular

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

Thousands of single men worldwide have found happiness dating a Russian woman. And on the other end of the scale thousands of single men wouldn't even entertain the idea. There are many reasons why perfectly normal professional single men choose to marry a Russian lady.

Many of the single Russian women are successful already in their home country, and are just looking for a husband from abroad to care for them. They are not in it to scam anyone, they genuinely want to marry a foreign man, and start a new life in another part of the world.

Mail order bride services have been setting up marriages for years, and it has become a lot easier since everything is now conducted through the internet. Everything is arranged online right up until you go to Russia.

Single men from all over the world choose to start dating a Russian woman because they are something more attractive than they would normally date back home. These women see someone beyond their looks, and are very attracted to the way they're treated as women. This is what excites them about foreign men. You will find most men get a Russian bride who's a lot younger than they are. This comes back to the same quality as before. Older men will generally treat women better so older men have a better chance with Russian women.

Translation is something that has been made a lot easier since the internet came into play. If for some reason the Russian lady doesn't speak English the software will take care of that. Even when you get to Russia the mail order ride service you have chosen to use will have translators there for you. Most of the Russian women will have learnt to speak English before hand. They know they want to meet someone from an English speaking country so they will have made the effort to learn the language. No Russian woman who's serious about getting a foreign husband can expect to do so without learning a second language.

Once you have chosen your Russian Bride service you can start looking through the profiles of these beautiful women. You have the choice to start contacting someone from your end or you can go over to Russia and attend a "Social". There you will have the chance to meet hundreds of Russian women. These are professionally run events hosted by the Russian bride service, and they have staff in attendance as well.

There are plenty of Russian Bride services online, and you can find plenty of reviews about them as well. Join the thousands of happily married men who if is wasn't for dating a Russian woman would still be single.

For Mail order bride reviews, and more online dating advice visit - www.the-online-dating-reviews.com/mail-order-brides.html

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Tell Other Russian Women Your Decision About The One You've Chosen

Once you have met the woman of your dreams, you ask her to be your wife. You are excited about your future plans and you can’t wait to bring her home.

Unfortunately you have some unfinished business to take care of. You remember all the women you were courting? Well, you have to tell them that you made your decision and that they are Runner-up to Miss America.

Yes. The absolutely worst part of your trip has arrived. The excitement of meeting the woman of your dreams has been sobered a little by your responsibility to tell the other women of your decision.

Unless you are a masochist or have zero empathy, you will feel horrible about this. Do you remember what its like to break up with a girlfriend? Well, think about breaking up with a number of women at the same time. Ouch.

You don’t need to contact all two hundred women at the social that you went to. Probably most of them have survived the blow of your not calling them right after the social.

But if you dated a number of women fairly seriously, you definitely have to deliver the news to them. It’s the right thing to do.

The best way to deliver your message is in person, but if that’s not possible, by telephone.

You probably remember receiving a “Dear John” letter in your life. It didn’t feel very good, did it?

There is no good way to do this, but there are plenty of bad ways. One is to take the coward’s way out and just don’t call or tell them.

The other is a general announcement issued like a proclamation. Worse than a “Dear John” letter is one addressed “To Whom It May Concern.”

How would you feel if you got the bad news delivered by post card that had the news written on it so that everyone could read it.

How would you feel if you received a photocopy of a typed pro forma “Dear John” letter with your name written in next to the salutation, “Dear __________.”

What a personal touch!

Yes, I have heard of cretins doing this and worse.

Another less than satisfactory method is to tell the marriage agency personnel to deliver the message for you. This is almost as bad as “To Whom It May Concern.”

Sometimes it is difficult to handle these situations properly. For one, you usually have limited time while traveling and don’t have the time to handle all the situations in the ideal manner you would like.

But make the effort to deliver the message the best way you can, as painful as it may be. It’s part of your responsibility in this process. You don’t get to dance all night without paying the fiddler.

The bottom line is ‘do unto others as you would have others do unto you.’ The Golden Rule.

John has been to Russia and CIS countries many times. He has been successfully married to his Belarussian wife for over five years. He will show you how to meet her, how to bring her home, and how to successfully survive marriage to a Russian woman. He will show you how too.
http://www.russian-luv.com/badnews.html

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Why Dating A Russian Woman Has Become Popular

For Mail order bride reviews, and more online dating advice visit - www.the-online-dating-reviews.com/mail-order-brides.html

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Atlanta Singles Dating Red Flags-What Saying I Love You Too Soon Really Means in the Dating World

Q: I've been dating this guy for two months and he is already saying I love you. This is nice, but it seems too soon. What do you think?

A: In my opinion, saying I love you too soon usually indicates one of two things:

1. The words are being used to get something, usually sex. It really stinks when such precious words are used as a tool for manipulation.

2. The words do not reflect the depth of meaning you think they do. I tend to apply the four seasons approach to saying “I love you” – you need to know someone in at least four seasons (one year) before you can genuinely know someone well enough to say I love you.

It’s so easy to get caught up in the wonderful feelings of a new relationship and mistake those feelings for love. New relationships are fun and exciting. The rush of good feelings is very very strong. It does not equal love necessarily.

While that is not the most romantic answer, but I do believe it is the most realistic answer.

Bottom line – saying I love you is a function of time, and it takes time to be able to say it and mean it.

Visit http://www.ConsciousDatingAtlanta.com for tips and strategies for finding the love of your life and the live you love. Subscribe to our f-ree 5 Day E-Course "Find the Love of Your Life" and our "Weekly Tips Newsletter". Jeff Herring is the founder and CEO of ConsciousDatingAtlanta.com and a singles and couples relationship coach, and can be reached at http://www.ConsciousDatingAtlanta.com

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Atlanta Singles Dating Red Flags: When the Words & Behavior of the One You are Dating Do Not Line Up

Dating, to be successful long term, requires being able to trust the other person.

One of the ways trust is built is when a person does what they say they are going to do. This allows you to begin to count on someone.

When the behavior and the words do not line up

I think there are two ways to look at this:

1. We humans are very inconsistent and incongruent people. We say we want to lose weight and then eat like crazy, etc. So some disconnect between words and actions is to be expected from fallible human beings.

2. At the same time, one of the ways we learn to trust someone is with a track record that says this person does what they say they are going to do, with very few exceptions.

What you need to look for are patterns over time. Does this person say one thing and do another? Make promises and then break them? Always place the blame for not coming through on someone or something else?

These are all warning signs of a problem.

Here is the bottom line – if you have to choose between believing the words and believing the behavior, go with the behavior.

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Planning A Date

First, is this the first time you and your date have gone out? You might want to run your plans by your date ahead of time. An ocean side seafood restaurant might be romantic, but not if your date is allergic to seafood. You might love listening to live jazz in a smoky bar, but what if your date hates smoke? A simple run down of the plans will keep you from having any embarrassing situations with a date who does not want to participate in what you have planned.

Before you plan a date, spend some time talking to the person you are going out with. Find out what they like to do. If they casually mention that they love a certain restaurant, or a certain dance club, you might win bonus points for taking them there.

If you have gone out many times, you might want to consider cooking dinner for your date at your home. Can’t cook? Many restaurants offer take-out service now. Although it is probably not a good idea to pass off the cooking as your own! Then your date will wonder later why one day you can prepare filet mignon and the next you can’t boil an egg. A quiet night playing board games can be fun and romantic.

If possible, try to plan a date on a weeknight versus a weekend. There will be less people out and you are likely to be able to talk more and wait in lines less. If you are planning on going to a particular restaurant, make sure you call ahead to see about reservations. You also should let your date know what activities are planned so that they can dress appropriately. You don’t want your date to be wearing jeans and flip flops if you are going to the opera and you don’t want your date in high heeled shoes if you are taking a five mile nature hike.

The night before your date, you might want to do some personal planning too. Make sure you have the outfit selected that you want to wear. Try it on and make sure you are happy with it. You don’t want to realize that your perfect date outfit has a huge stain five minutes before you need to leave. Make sure you have directions to where you are going and your date’s phone number in case you get lost or have to cancel.

It doesn’t matter if you are man or a woman, always bring enough money to cover all of your expenses. Don’t assume your date will pay for your meal and then get stuck in an uncomfortable position because you didn’t bring any cash. Also, if your date picks you up, you might want to consider bringing money for a taxi in case the date goes really bad! It is also smart to pack a few pieces of gum in your pocket or purse in case the date goes well and you want a good night kiss!

Ron Zvagelsky has a degree in Business Administration from the University of Southern California. He graduated Magna Cum Laude in May 2006. He is currently the Chief Executive Officer of PlanJam – where you can find ideas for a fun date and then plan a date.

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Fun Ideas for Your First Date

If you choose the wrong idea for your first date, it is unlikely that you will get a second chance to improve it. The only time you should not place an emphasis on dating ideas is when you and your partner enjoy each other so much that it doesn’t matter what you do. When many people choose things to do for their date, they will often make the mistake of taking a pragmatic approach. You can make the date interesting by doing something out of the ordinary.

When I refer to “ordinary,” I’am talking about things such as a dinner and a movie, nightclubs, or parties. One good idea for your date is to go to an art gallery. There are a number of reasons why art galleries are great places to go instead of a concert of club. First, the two of you will be in a quiet place where you will be able to get to know each other better. Many people consider art galleries to be sophisticated, so taking your date there will likely give them this impression. Art is something that is often appreciated by intellectuals and those who are sensitive. Your partner will likely be impressed when you bring it up as an idea for your date.

The biggest downside to choosing a museum is that the date may become boring. Unless you are a true art enthusiast who can make going to the art gallery interesting, you may want to choose another location. Perhaps one of the most important factors in the success of a date is humor. One great idea for a date is a comedy club. If the date is tense, or you feel nervous, laughing at a comedian is a great way for you to relax. However, you should be careful about the comedian you choose. Make sure your partner is comfortable with them beforehand, and avoid going to comedy acts that either you or your partner are not comfortable with.

Another great idea for a date is the zoo. Looking at different species of animals can allow you and your partner to engage in intelligent conversation. You may also find it to be more interesting than the art gallery. If you are both animal lovers, there can be no doubt that the zoo is an excellent place to visit. It is important to remember that the smell of the zoo could be an issue, so keep this in mind prior to the date. In addition to this picnics are a great place for those who are looking for creative dating ideas.

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Finding Love In Uniform - Military Dating Online

Military dating online offers you the chance to contact and connect with thousands of military people. By using a military dating online membership you can begin the process of finding a relationship that will endure, or even just finding a good friend that you can share company with - someone that may have the same values and interests.

Many women are attracted to military men. One reason is because the members of the Army, Navy, Air Force, Marines, Coast Guard and National Guard are among the most selfless individuals to be found anywhere in the world.

Also, with their dedicated service, this lifestyle attracts those who are interested in furthering the long held traditions of the different branches of the U.S. Military. Frequently, these are people who have committed themselves to guarding and protecting the freedom that people cherish and the values that most of us hold dear.

Of course, people are attracted to the military lifestyle for all sorts of reasons. They may have been raised in a military family and miss the closeness that forms among military families. Maybe they enjoy the travel and assignments to many parts of the world. Or perhaps they have the same morals and values that are commonly found amongst those who are serving in the military.

The sites catering to military dating are perfect for dedicated military men and women who desire meeting singles from all aspects of life who are likely to share many of the same values and interests. Many exclusive online communities arise with military dating sites and these aid people from all the armed forces, including police and firefighters. They also appeal to civilians searching for old fiends, making new friends and building enduring relationships.

So, people will have many reasons in looking for a relationship with a person in the armed forces. Perhaps significantly because there are definitely characteristics that set military personnel apart from the average civilian. Recognizing this is why military dating online sites have been created.

Undeniably, these sites are the best place for military singles, friends and admirers to converse about relationships, work, lives, military issues, and many other matters. Also, making use of them lets you peruse informative profiles of other military singles. This facility offered by such sites lets those who want to meet - and eventually date - military men and women post an informative, interesting full-page pictorial profile about themselves.

There is no doubt that military dating online sites are the best place to meet men and women in uniform for those civilians wanting to meet someone in the military. It also enables military people to meet interested civilians at the same time - and this is without the hassles of writing long letters and dealing with expensive phone bills.

For more important online dating information and Military Dating Tips visit our site where you will find dating tips, advice, resources and lots of useful material about improving your online dating experience.

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It's Tricky - How To Navigate Internet Dating

The thing that makes internet dating wonderful for both men and women is the same thing that anmakes it tricky. And that thing is the safety and atomicity of it all. When you are using your dating service and you find someone interesting and start a series of email or meet by IM or chat room, you have that sensation that something big is getting started.

But at the same time, you know they do not know you at all and cannot find you or harass you until you finally give that personal information out. So you keep that wall of invisibility up between you and the man or woman you are flirting with. It’s amazing the intimacy of flirtation and even sexual chat that will occur while that wall remains firmly in place.

Sadly, that ability to just pull out at any time creates some opportunities for what is at best rudeness and at worst, a situation where you can genuinely hurt someone’s emotions. To avoid being guilty of that behavior, some attitudes have to be kept in check when involved at the cyber level with someone who might become a flesh and blood romantic interest.

1. This is a real person. It is so easy in a chat or IM setting to not see that you are dealing with a real human being on the other end. So often we think that the person on the other end may be a fabrication, something that someone is performing as so often happens in cyberspace. Don’t assume that. If he or she is being totally open and honest with you, they are taking some emotional risks with you. Treat that trust with care and kindness. This may be your future spouse you are chatting with here.

2.The rules still apply. I am talking about the rules of courteous hum conduct. Be honest with the object of your interest about who you are, where you are, what your situation is, you interests and any restrictions that should be considered when you begin planning a date.

3. Have some integrity. Whenever you have to bow out of a meeting or you get questions or inquiries from potential dates, treat those people with some respect. If you get a query for a possible date, answer it and don’t use a form letter response. If you have to decline a meeting or date, do so with tact and kindness sparing the girl or guy any embarrassment or feelings.

The Chinese have an old concept of giving someone “face”. That means, make sure the other person walks away from their time with you with their dignity in place and grieve them an opportunity to bow out with self-respect. You may not see the immediate results of showing that kindness to someone but it will result in quality relationships across the board for you so learn how to “give face” to your break ups or when declining a date.

When the relationship goes to the level of a meeting or dating, use the same rules of courtesy and civility. Never just stand someone up for a date other than an emergency or no other way to avoid that happening. If you are not going to make the date, call or email them and explain it to them so they know you didn’t just insult them.

If you have a date but the future is not right to go on, convert the relationship to a friendship. Call him or her and keep them feeling good about what you shared even though the romance is not going to go forward. Just remember, she might have a friend, he might have a cousin so keep strong friendships with the people you socialize with romantically and it will build a good network for future relationships.

DatingShare.com is 100% free dating site and matchmaking service for singles. Plus provides free dating forum with relationship advice and dating tips.

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How To Make The Most Of Online Dating

Still stuck in the office past 10 pm? Have a quick hamburger hurriedly picked up in the fastfood near the corner for dinner. All your officemates left at 6 pm and gosh, it's a Friday night. What are you doing in the office on a Friday night? There must be a mistake.

No, its not a mistake, you just have to admit that you are workaholic. Most of the time you spent is in the office, beside your boss, behind your table. Its as if your whole world is shut off in your life and you got to admit that your social life is totally boring. Before you know it, time has passed you by and at 35 you are still perfecting the art of being single. Unless you decided to live your life in single blessedness, you must start to perk up your social life a little bit and meet other people aside from those you interact with in the four corners of your office walls. You do not left to be alone without someone making your life a lot livelier, spicier and rosier.

Of course, you would not go downtown and pull just any other person you feel a liking to. You need to have some first impressions and first interactions with a potential partner. If your work does not allow you to take a time off that frequently, then why not try looking for that “perfect” partner online. Go ahead, there is no harm in trying. At least online you can broaden or limit your horizon. You can choose whom you want to be with by being specific with what you want. But you have to be committed on this because once you found that potential partner you have to make time for him or her and date as often as you can.

Your guide to a successful online dating will start with you. Here are some of things you have to deal with yourself before jumping into the world of online dating. It is very important that you deal with your issues and resolve them. You do not want to deal with them with that potential partner around. Again, this is a commitment to much a livelier life. Work it.

1. Admit that you are a workaholic. No matter what your reasons are: a difficult to please boss, a demanding job and clients or used to long hours of working, the answer will still be the same, you are a workaholic, admit it and see it as a problem because anything too much is not good. Work is only one aspect of your life, either you get a new job that does not take too much pressure out of you or learn to say “no” once in a while to your boss, officemates and clients.

2. Decide on your priorities. If work has been your priority since time immemorial, then maybe its time for you to switch. Remember, you should be in control of your life, not your work and definitely not your boss. If you decide to perk up your social life, put your heart to it and be committed to do it just as the time when your work was your priority. You put your time and heart to it and did everything. In the name of love, who does not want to put their all to it and make it work!

3. When you decided to go for that date, then make sure your attention is on the date and your partner. Listen and make him or her see how interested you are to what that person is talking about. Who knows, he might that partner your looking for. So make a good impression and switch off whatever it is you have to switch off – cellphone, pager or any gadgets you might have hidden under.

4. Take the word of your married friends. Seek their advice and tips. Married couples have good insight on this because they have been there and still they are because they have families to take care of. They have to prioritize their families more than their work or they are striking a balance of the two most important things in their life – earning a living and spending time with their children and partner.

5. There is more to life than your work. Try to build another life away from your work. Give yourself the much needed break and engage in some of your hobbies. Hang out with your friends from outside work and see the difference. You broaden your horizon, experience other exciting activities and create new perspective by meeting new people.

If you dealt with these issues and are successful in resolving them, then you are ready to meet some potential partners online. But keep in mind that you are just one among the swarm of people looking for that perfect match. Here are some of the few tips on how you can stand out among the rest of the people in the online dating chatroom and get the response you want from the right people.

- Create an honest and unique profile. Since online dating depends so much on the profile you put together and upload, it is always better to show the real you in your profile than pretending to be the person you are not. You can do this by being creative with your words, specific and descriptive of yourself but cautious not giving away too much personal information. Always upload the most recent photo so there will be no accusation that you are a phony. It is better to start right.

- Always be positive in your profile. Describe yourself in a positive way. Turn all your negative thoughts into something positive and make it work for you.

- If you want to get the responses you want from the right people you want then be specific with your headers. Use it as a filter for unwanteds. In that way, you only welcome the people or potential partners you want and it is easier for you to pick and choose.

- Always keep your header message fresh and unique among the rest to catch peoples' attention. You can be humorous, philosophical and clever or appear mysterious. You do not want to appear common among a swarmed of similarities, would you.

With all these tips, you are now totally spiced up. Make online dating work you and see the difference it does to your life. You do not have to worry about kissing the wrong frogs anymore.

Lee Dobbins writes for onlinedating.unique-articles.com where you can read more articles on online dating.

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How to Achieve the Success of Online Dating You Crave

Are you sick of online dating without any success whatsoever? Is there such a thing of the success of online dating? How do you create a profile that will give you the success of online dating that you crave?

Online dating is both tricky and different. It gives us a chance to delve into the depths of a person before we ever risk the actual face to face meeting. The only issue is it is a lot easier to be fake and lie about yourself. Why someone would do this, I don’t know. The truth always comes out

So how do you achieve online dating success? It is easier than you would thing. First, you have to join a dating site that is reputable and big enough to give you options. Then, you have to create truthful profile with a good, but honest picture of yourself. If you are larger person don’t be afraid to tell others this and show it in your picture.

If you are not honest in your profile and pictures you are only going to attract the wrong type of people that are not interested in you. They will have an image of someone similar to you, but different. A full body picture is best with clothes that don’t hide too much. This is the best and most honest way to show your true self.

Once you have a truthful profile with a great picture of yourself, you will want to start checking out potential date’s profiles. You can’t just go through a bunch of these and write them a little message expecting a reply. Be creative and check out their profile in full.

When you contact them mention something you liked about their profile and ask some intriguing questions. This is the best way to show that you are truly interested and that you want to get to know them. Then, you can take it from there and be yourself.

Are you ready to be successful with online dating? Find your soul mate and enjoys the success that many others have found online. Go to the following site to create your free profile today.

http://www.ready-repair-my-credit.com/truedating.htm

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Dating Tips 101

Those things help, but what ultimately matters is how you make a woman feel. The feelings, the positive or negative emotions she gets from being around you, are what separate you from success and failure. And believe me, if you can make her feel great emotions when you’re in her presence, there’s nothing to stop you from seduction and relationship success!

With that said, how do you summon good emotions into your date? How do you make her associate a positive feeling with YOU? How do you draw out the emotions that make a woman want to take things to the next level of intimacy and relationships? The way I see it, there are three factors to success:

1. Where You Take Her

2. How You Present Yourself

3. How You Handle Your Date

Each of these is crucial. You must not succeed in only one area, but in all of them. Let’s look at each:
First is where you take your date. The great thing about dating is that it gives you a chance to use "props" to make yourself look like a winner. If you take a gorgeous women to a really fun place at which she has the time of her life, it’s not going to matter so much how you look, what you say, or how much money you have. Bring a woman to a really fun place like a salsa class or theme park, and she’ll connect the positive emotions from those places, automatically, with you. It’s a wonderful thing.

One key thing to remember is that you want to choose your date location based on the kind of things you want a woman to associate with you. If you want her to feel excitement and energy, bring her to a carnival or theme park. If you want her to think of you as intelligent and serious (careful with that one), take her to a play or perhaps a poetry reciting. And if you have the time and money, and want her to think of you as daring and adventurous, you can’t go wrong with a bungee jumping or white-water rafting date!

Then there are dinner dates. I discourage dinner dates because unless you’re a gourmand or a chef who has a passion for food, dinner dates don’t say much about you. On top of that, they can be very expensive and yield no results. Who wants to spend $200 on a girl only to get nothing out of it? All she sees out of a guy who takes her out to dinner is someone who’s unoriginal and plays by the book; he’s not a risk-taker. So try something more daring and engaging. Something like indoor rock climbing doesn’t cost that much at all, and will yield much better results.

As Leil Lowndes, author of "How to Make Anyone Fall in Love with You," writes, "someone is more likely to be attracted to another if he or she is emotionally aroused-even if the arousal does not come from the person."

Next, let’s look at how you present yourself. Now, with this, I’m not talking about how good-looking you are to the woman, but more about how you position yourself: what you say about yourself through your clothes and hygiene. You can’t expect a date to go well if your clothes look frumpy and your teeth have gunk in them.

But if you wear nice clothes that are clean, ironed, and a bit funky or sophisticated, then you’re communicating to women that you care about your appearances. You give her the feeling that she’s with a guy who pays attention to appearances and wants to convey success. A guy who wears a suit does not look trashy or poor. But a guy who arrives at a date wearing ripped-up jeans and has hair like he just came out of bed…well, how is she supposed to feel anything other than disgust at that one? What you wear, how you style your hair (even if you’re bald!), and how clean and fresh you come across: these are the things that INSTANTLY create emotions in women. Make sure you stir up the right emotions!

Finally, let’s talk about how you handle your date. That is, how do you manage the date as it moves along? With confidence, the actions that suggest you are of high status, and a bit of cockiness…or with hesitation, treating the date with more respect than yourself, and low confidence? To me, there are three "checkpoints" in every date:

1. How you greet your date. Do you act like you’re lucky to see her? Do you say, "Wow, great to see you, you look beautiful!" or something to that effect? If so, stop. That just make a woman think that you feel lucky to be with her. She doesn’t want to feel like she’s with a guy who’s not good enough for her. She wants to feel like she’s not good enough to be with YOU. Doing little things that force her to respect you, like calling her out for being late or simply greeting her with a laid-back, "What’s up?" accomplish that.

2. How you move things along. Nothing makes a girl more uncomfortable–and lowers her association of things with you–than an awkward pause in the date. This doesn’t mean that you’re not allowed to let things die down a little; it just means that you have to know how to handle these pauses. In my e-book I discuss a lot about control–how to handle situations and make the most of them. In a date, you want to be able to go from silence one second to laughter and excitement the next. There are many ways to do this, including teasing a girl about something or bringing up something interesting she said earlier (showing her that you listen to what she says, which makes her feel valued).

3. How you end it and set things up for next time. Do you end a date leaving a girl wanting more? Do you reveal everything about yourself in the first (or second or third) date, or make her curious for next time? Do you seek validation from her…or have her seeking validation from YOU? These are the things you want to think about…the areas that show you have confidence in seeing her again, and confidence that you can direct her where you want.

Naturally, there’s much more to a date than this. What do you say? What specific strategies can you employ to make her interested in more? What are the very best places to take a date?
Fortunately, there are answers: My How to Be Irresistible to Women course. Find it now at:

http://www.000relationships.com

I’ve got a whole, extensive section on setting up the first date, where to go, and what kinds of actions and attitudes work towards raising the attraction levels to insane levels. It’s all in there, along with dozens of articles that will help you in the specific areas you want to address. Not to mention my free Members Consulation, where you can ask me anything you want about how to get the women you want.

Hey, if you’re serious about getting more dates and making them successful ones, you need look no further.

James Brito, bestselling author of "How to Be Irresistible to Women" and "The Art of Impressing Women," delves into the secrets of female attraction and seduction. Since 2000, he has helped thousands of men around the world build confidence and get the women they deserve. To get his free six-part audio mini-course, visit =>http://www.000relationships.com/

Because it's YOUR turn!

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Becoming a Master of Online Dating

There is a lot of curiosity about the world of internet romance and online dating. Much of that comes from all the media attention it gets. We see lots of advertisements for online dating services, which raises our interest. Then you can find people who write about finding their lover online or of the strange world of chat, email, online dating services, and cyber relationships that makes it all seem very strange and exotic.

The truth is you can find a very fun, fulfilling, and rewarding relationship or series of romantic relationships online. Think of the online world of romance like a whole new exciting world that you have not yet begun to explore. And because it is new, it is full of adventure, fun, excitement, and that joy of discovery that makes anything new a thrill to get involved with.

And just as you would any new world, you have to learn the tricks, the language, and the roads and pathways to success in getting to know people in the online world and eventually to developing warm, romantic relationships with the men and women you meet there. Here are some key areas to spend time on to make your online “presence” really shout out to the available dates in cyberspace.

Flash those Teeth

In the world of cyberspace, things like your picture and your profile are your face and presence to those who meet you. When you meet a person in real life, they can look at you and learn a lot about what kind of person you are. The picture that you post on your dating service or chat service will serve that same purpose.

Select your picture carefully. Make sure it shows your personality and is not stiff or formal. But also make sure it shows off what a hottie you are. It’s fine if you want to “stage” a picture. That is not phony any more than dressing up nice for a party or date is. Or go through your photos and find one that shows a lot of personality and says to the person “Get to know me”. Use that one and always be on the lookout for a better picture of you to swap out or use on new chat or dating services you start to use.

Your Profile: That Vital First impression

Your profile is that page of information that you provide about yourself. It provides the basics: your age, occupation, level of education, as well as things vital to the guy or girl who is looking at it with a mind for romance. That would include what you like in a romantic partner, what kinds of things you like to do when dating, and your views on romance, long-term relationships, marriage, and even children.

When filling this out, put yourself in the viewer’s shoes and give information that will draw him or her to you as a romantic prospect. Brief thoughts about your feelings about your family, religion, and commitment go a long way even at this early stage of your relationship.

But don’t forget to flirt with your profile. The title of the profile may be listed on pages and pages of profiles along with your picture, so put some creativity into what it says. If it is something funny, cute, or flirtatious that can draw someone to want to open your profile and read more, then it has done its job.

Email is the Third Big component

Your picture and profile are the one-two punch of stepping into the world of online dating. Handling your email correctly is the third major step. Whether responding to an inquiry email from someone who like your profile, or if you are making the first contact, treat that email like that first “hello” when beginning to flirt with someone.

Make it cute, interesting, flirtatious, and slightly romantic. Keep it short but put a “hook” into each email to make them want to answer you and learn more. Then as you begin to email and then move into chat or other forms of on line communications, you can begin to get more personal just as you would as you settle in at the club to get to know someone new.

Keep that parallel of meeting someone new at a party, flirting, making them feel interested and safe enough to draw in closer, being intriguing, fun and exciting as the relationship picks up speed and being that “perfect someone” to them as they get closer. As you use these tips to maneuver the relationship toward a routine online date or even further to the eventual first in-person date, you can become a genuine online dating master and the results will be fun and exciting online dates that might lead to much more later on.

DatingShare.com is 100% free dating site and matchmaking service for singles. Plus provides free dating forum with relationship advice and dating tips.

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What Makes a Man Fall in Love

Think of a great relationship as though it were a great meal: A delicious, meaty steak of sexual passion accompanied by a fine, delicate wine of romance and commitment. Both of us want it all -- the perfect, satisfying course. And we need both -- steak by itself is dry and unsatisfying; and wine will get you tipsy, but it won't satisfy your hunger. Now, before the metaphor police revoke my license, let me simply push this analogy a little further: Men are a little more focused on the meat of the relationship, and women a bit more on the wine. But both sexes want to get up from the table completely satisfied. Need evidence? More than three-fourths of men believe in soul mates (see above). And when we asked our guys to choose between meeting the love of their life or having amazing sex for six months, 92 percent chose falling in love. (The other 8 percent were probably Maxim readers.) Consider what these three men said about the experience of falling in love:

"We need to feel love, loyalty, and chemistry above all else," says Ian, 31.

"Men also feel the butterflies and giddiness that women do when they're in love," says Robert, 26.

"Women don't realize most guys are in love long before they are willing to admit it to anyone," says Drew, 30.

So why then does it always seem like women are leading the relationship toward commitment, and men need to be dragged along like a preschooler to a dentist appointment? Because in the early-on Stratego game of dating, we need to see where you're moving first. Consider this: Less than half of men say they're typically the first ones to say "I love you" in a relationship, and more women than men initially broach the subject of taking the relationship to the next level.

That points to the notion that what men really want when it comes to love is your assurance -- your permission, really -- that it's okay to let the butterflies out of the cage.

Michael, 37, a restaurant owner in North Carolina, says he's cautious about expressing himself early on -- not because he's complacent or wants to play games or wants to make the woman squirm like a mouse in a cat's mouth. He holds back because he's waiting to get the signal that it's okay to press the accelerator.

"I love to hear that I'm her dream come true, or some version of that, if that's the case," he says. "I need a little praise and attention, just as much as she needs it from me. That's the sign I need. Then, I know I can give her what she needs."

Chris, 29, a recently married public defender, agrees. "Men need to be told that they're wanted," he says. "Women forget that if they like a nice guy, that the nice guy might be too nervous to tell them what he feels." And then he added this interesting insight: "Women need to be more open to being hurt the way guys are every day."

Hold on a second. Guys are hurt more often than women?

Hmm. Think about it: In the romance game, it's usually the man who makes the first move (usually after you've dropped him countless hints waiting for him to finally pick up on them). But in doing so, men open themselves up to more rejection than a telemarketing trainee. And believe me, even George Clooney has a psychic master list of turn-downs that he still winces over from time to time.

So once a man has crossed that first barrier -- okay, you like him, it's safe -- he's reluctant to cross the next. Like monkeys in a lab, we've been shocked plenty of times before, and if we're in a safe place with you, we're happy simply to stay there. So it's a delicate balance -- a woman needs to signal that it's okay for him to take the next step, without making him feel as if he's being pushed toward it. Let him know that you feel there's something really special between you. Let him know it's okay if he lets himself feel that, too. But proceed cautiously -- there's danger ahead, as you'll see.

How Do I Know Where This Relationship is Heading?
I've been seeing a guy for about three weeks, and I feel like it's going to be pretty serious. After the first two dates, we've been seeing each other a lot. Last week, we got together twice during the week and twice on the weekend. I'd like to talk about where this is headed, but I don't want to scare him away. I just want to make sure we're both on the same page about where we are, whether we're seeing other people, and where this might go. What's he thinking?

He's thinking that, three weeks into dating, he doesn't want to have this conversation. To him, that's a relationship birth announcement. Today, we welcome the birth of a beautiful committed couple, weighing in at eight dates, two movies, and six orgasms (five for him, one for her): It's Bob and Cindy! Congratulations! It's too formal, too official, too planned. And that formality serves as the fire extinguisher to the initial spark he's been feeling. "The only thing worse than a woman who doesn't show any interest after a few dates is a woman who shows too much," says Anthony, 25. Terry, 32, adds: "Slow down. Please don't tell us that you love us after three weeks." Think of it this way. You know how you don't like when he skips the foreplay and goes right to the sex? When you talk about the status of a relationship too early, it's like skipping the foreplay of pursuit and going right to the private parts of commitment. If he's seeing you four times a week, then it's a good sign that your relationship is headed in the right direction. Just let him have some fun -- and some mystery -- while he's getting there.

How Do I Know When It's Time to Tell Him my Feelings?
I've been seeing a man for only two months. Perfect guy. He's funny, has a great job, I love hanging out with him. We even took this great weekend vacation together and everything seemed to click. I just have this feeling that this is going to work, and I'm pretty sure he feels the same way. I don't want to blow it, and while I obviously don't want to pretend to be somebody that I'm not, I also don't want to do anything that could jeopardize the relationship. Any hints for how to take things from here?

Two months may seem like a blip on the relationship radar, but for some guys, that qualifies as a full-fledged era. At this point, men certainly want some honesty. "If she is more open with me, I'll be more open with her, especially at the beginning when you're both feeling each other out, emotionally," says Warren, 33. But that comes with a caution. Feel free to be honest about your feelings, but don't make assumptions about his. Don't use the word us. At this stage, you'll solidify your primo status if you talk about what you like about him, what you get out of a relationship with him, what turns you on about him. Us scares him; him excites him. (Yes, we're our own favorite subject, but that's just human nature.) It's a way of saying you love the relationship while giving him the ego-boosting rush he craves -- all without making him think you're brushing up on the four Cs of diamond shopping. At this still-early stage, that's a secret to tip-toeing between giving him permission to love and giving him a reason to leave.

Should I Give Him an Ultimatum?
My live-in boyfriend and I have been seeing each other for about a year and a half, living together for somewhere around six months. I'm 31 and my family is giving me a hard time -- like I should just go ahead and move on if he's not going to be the one because I'm wasting time. My best friend even says to me that there's no way he's going to marry me because he's getting all the sex of a nonmarried relationship without the commitment. I've debated a lot about giving him an ultimatum or a deadline, but something tells me that's a bad idea. How will I know if he's ever going to be ready to make the next step?

You may think that men are afraid of the marriage commitment because we want to leave options open, because we're waiting for something better, or because we fear it'll be the official end of hot-tub sex. Jay, 30, says a man's hesitation isn't about indifference; it's actually the opposite. "Men are just as unsure about the relationship thing as women," he says. "I'm getting married in a couple months to a woman I love deeply, who I know will be a fantastic wife and mother to my future children. Is she my soul mate? Tough question, but if not, she's pretty darn close." When we decide we want to be married, we want to do the right thing -- for both of us. So should you give him an ultimatum? I don't think so. If you've been honest with him about your feelings for him -- for him, not for "the relationship" -- then you're probably at the point in your relationship where you should be able to ask him straight up about his feelings for you. If he can't tell you what he thinks and what he feels, well, that's probably your answer.

Reprinted from: Men, Love & Sex: The Complete User's Guide for Women by David Zinczenko with Ted Spiker © 2006 David Zinczenko. Permission granted by Rodale, Inc., Emmaus, PA 18098. Available wherever books are sold or directly from the publisher by calling at (800) 848-4735.

David Zinczenko, editor-in-chief of Men's Health magazine, has written op-ed pieces for the New York Times, Los Angeles Times, and USA Today and is a frequent guest on the Today show, talking about men and relationships. In 2003, People magazine named him one of the "50 Most Eligible Bachelors." He divides his time between Allentown, Pennsylvania, and New York City.

Ted Spiker, an assistant professor of journalism at the University of Florida, is a contributing editor to Men's Health. He lives in Gainesville, Florida.
For more information, visit www.menloveandsex.com or www.rodalestore.com

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Long Distance Online Dating: When to Change Your Location

The old warning about long distance relationships is that they rarely work out. Almost everyone who has been in one or has heard of someone who has been in one has a story to tell about two people who couldn’t make it work. This adage, however does not make it true. As with any relationship, you will only get out of a long distance relationship what you put into it. Time, effort, honest and sometimes money are required to make a long distance relationship work.

When Will it End?

When dating long distance, there must be an end in sight, even if it is far, far down the road. Dating long distance online is the same way. Although the decision of when to close in on the long distance by relocating is up to the individuals in the relationship, there will come a point when there needs to be a definite time frame for it. The relationship will simply not last otherwise.

So when will it end? The most you get to know someone when dating online, it is important to continue to move onto new levels, just as in a person-to-person relationship. From emails to phone calls and maybe even to webcam visits, dating long distance online has a shelf life. The next level may be meeting in person, however each person then retires to their separate corners of the world. If anything this may make the long distance online relationship even more difficult. It can make or break it. If you discover that you really want to be closer to the person you’ve been dating online, there will come a point where someone will have to move.

Moving Closer vs. Moving On

Once the point has been reached where you’ve decided that you want to take the online, long distance relationship even further by moving, the next decision is, who’s it going to me? You or me? While both people have their own lives and sets of friends and loved ones and jobs, the online relationship, just as with any other must have two people who are willing to sacrifice for the other in order to survive and thrive. Making the decision to move on may be difficult, but it may be an easier one in the long run if two people can’t decide who is going to make the major life change. If you can’t come to an agreement, the sad truth is that the relationship will ultimately fizzle out and both people will go their separate ways. This why the face-to-face meeting can make or break the relationship.

Whether it be after a few months or even a few years of being involved in a long distance online relationship, the people involved will reach a point where someone will have to move closer or move on. This is a decision that both must not only agree one, but also agree to make work. It’s a big commitment – both to be the one who moves and one who does and both people in the relationship must be open and honest in regards to how they feel about it.

Claire Brent is the author of the free 7 days mini course "Online Dating Mastery". Discover the essential steps of a highly succesful online dating experience by signing up free at http://onlinedating.ezguide2.com/newsletter.html

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What You Should Know About Dating Safely

If you are planning to date the boy next door, the one you grew up next to and went through grade school with, then obviously fewer precautions are in order. When the potential date isn’t quite that well known, then certain standard things can be done to insure safety.

One of the most important precautions is that someone should know where you are going, and with whom you are going. A friend or a roommate, or for younger daters, even a parent can easily fill this role. This is really important when it is a blind date, or a date made over the internet. If a potential date is not willing to properly identify themselves, and even provide proof, it is a safe bet that they have something to hide.

Here is an example that would be a good idea in the case of an internet arranged date. Both parties could meet at the local Police Station and present ID cards, and let the Officer on duty know they are planning to go on a date that evening. Sound extreme? I doubt anyone planning to chop you up with an axe and hide your body in a dumpster would want to make the investigation that easy for CSI. Of course, you can be guided by your own instincts to some degree, but make sure you don’t turn up missing, and no one has any idea where you were or who you were with.

Even in those cases where you are dating someone that you do know casually, or perhaps have already dated in the past, there are some things that can be done to make the experience a bit safer. If you are expecting the other party to pay for everything, still make sure you bring enough money to get home safely. Never let yourself get into a position where you are depending on a person who has lost control of themselves to take care of you.

In the end, dating safety is no different than any other form of safety. A bit of common sense, a dash of caution, and a cup of thinking ahead will provide the recipe for a safe and enjoyable date every time. So go out and enjoy yourself, safely.

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Signs of a Cheating Girlfriend

Cheating has plagued love lives for generations. Sometimes, one never finds out about an affair a girlfriend has had. However, there are certain signs which might give one a clue as to whether (and exactly to what limit) the girlfriend is cheating.

The first sign of infidelity by a girlfriend in a relationship is her general disinterest in anything that the two enjoyed doing together previously. Sometimes this disinterest is blatant. For example, if a couple watches a movie together, and afterwards she can’t remember anything about the movie, then she might be deeply distracted by something. This disinterest then might graduate into a series of unexplained cancellations of plans.

Another sign of infidelity is an inexplicable display of guilt. One way in which guilt manifests itself is avoidance of the person who the guilty party feels is being hurt by her actions. The cheating girlfriend is therefore prone to generally avoiding the injured party – either by not taking calls or by not meeting for that ride or walk the couple used to like so much. Guilt can also cause pre-existing levels of intimacy to plummet.

Of course, there are countless other signs of a new lover: a sudden increase in her monthly expenses and car mileage; a splurge on cosmetics and clothes; a chronically non-reachable cell phone; an increase in overtime at her job without the accompanying increase in her paycheck, and so on. Also, if you notice a sudden increase in the number of her distant cousins, friends, ex-classmates, college friends, and so on, beware: she might be cheating.

Girlfriends having an affair have to be extremely well organized; their schedules are therefore punctiliously maintained. An affair is just an extension of a girl’s daily life: she has to find time for the accomplice between family, work, social life, and the injured party. Keeping a big secret is a very tiresome job, and only the coolest, most calculating people can actually keep such a secret. If your girlfriend is not very resourceful and she is keeping a secret, she will probably falter somewhere and maybe blurt it out to you herself.

Girlfriends provides detailed information about girlfriends, finding girlfriends, gifts for girlfriends, and more. Girlfriends is affiliated with Relationships.

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A Nice Guy's Guide to Dating Success

Has it ever happened to you? Have you ever had the experience of liking a woman, being a perfect gentleman, and treating her like a queen, only to have her reject you in favor of someone else (possibly very handsome) who doesn’t treat her right, or doesn’t seem to care about her much at all? These kinds of men have been called "bad boys," "charm boys," or "players." When you are interested in women, do they tend to see you as a friend or "brother" rather than a romantic interest? Do women tell you you’re "too nice"? If so, you are not alone. This article will give you, the nice guy, some tips on how to use charm-boy traits to your advantage, while retaining your nice-guy values.

Let’s brainstorm for a minute. What makes charm boys or players attractive? They are fun, spontaneous, unpredictable, mysterious, and act as if they don't care what others think of them (also known as confidence). They follow their own rules and don’t let others (including their dates) walk all over them. And they often look good.

So what can you do? You don’t have to engage in risk-taking behaviors in order to succeed with women. Suggest some "safe" ideas on the spur of the moment; for example, "Let's go get some sushi/ice cream/a Margarita," or, "Let's go for a drive and see where we end up." If this is not the usual "you," you may enjoy your new-found spontaneity. You can be mysterious/unpredictable without violating your principles. Don't call her the day after getting her phone number or the day after a date. Give her time to wonder whether you'll call; keep her guessing. People often want what isn't easy to get, and women like a little challenge.

You’re the man. Many women are looking for men who are confident and decisive, who can be relied on to get things done. On a date, take command but don't be pushy. Always have a Plan A and a Plan B, so you don’t miss the concert just in case the restaurant loses your reservation and there’s a 1-1/2-hour wait. But always be flexible, in case your date hates Chinese food, for example, or she just told you her favorite musical group is in town, tonight only. Low-cost dates conducive to getting to know each other include the zoo, a museum, or miniature golf. In addition to saving you money, these low-cost dates also minimize the feeling that you have to "spoil" her or "buy" her affection with an extravagant wining-and-dining evening. And if she likes you, she won’t mind a "cheap" date; she just wants to be with you.

Keep it light and upbeat. Don't be needy or act nervous. You might be a bit anxious while on a date, but she doesn't need to know that. Keep things light and humorous, and pay attention to her. That in itself will help you take the focus off you and help you feel more confident. And be a gentleman (you’re already good at this). For example, always offer to pick up the tab unless she insists on paying, open doors for her, etc. But don't overdo the gifts, lest you appear desperate.

Let her talk. This is where nice guys have an advantage. Most women like to communicate verbally and welcome the chance to be heard. (But make sure you listen; don't just let your mind wander.) She will be impressed if you remember details about things that are important to her, such as her pet's name or her favorite book. If you met her online, review her profile for questions you can ask her about her interests.

Neatness counts. Take another hint from the charm boys. You don’t have to be a Brad Pitt look-alike, but make the most of what you have. Review your grooming, clothes, and accessories with an objective eye. If you want feedback, ask a friend--possibly a female friend--for honest input. Or tune into one of the new TV shows which focus on wardrobe/grooming tips for men.

Have a life (and a backbone). Just because you are dating a woman doesn't mean you drop everything else (including your own friends, hobbies, and interests). After all, relationships can come and go. Keep being yourself. You are not always at her beck and call. When you really don’t want to do something (for example, if she wants you to cancel your ballgame or night out with your friends to go shoe shopping with her), it’s okay to decline. Telling her no may be difficult for nice guys, but if she’s worth keeping, she will respect you for this and value her time with you more. To soften the blow, you might offer her an alternative get-together. For example, "Sorry I can’t make it on Saturday. How about I take you to that new play you’ve been wanting to see on Sunday instead?"

How does she rate? Remember: You have the right to evaluate her, not just the other way around. Does she deserve a second date? Is she relationship material (if that's what you're looking for)? Just because she's attractive/smart/classy doesn't necessarily mean she's right for you. Does she treat you well? Is she kind? Does she have decent self-esteem? Is she giving? If you’re looking for a long-term relationship, can you see yourself still with her in 20 years, when some of the supermodel looks may have begun to fade?

The good news for nice guys is that as women get older, perhaps having survived a bad-boy heartbreak or two, they are more likely to appreciate nice guys. Make a list of your good points, the qualities you have to offer. Keep at it. And start believing that you are a catch (or at least act like it)!

For more information, visit the author's website http://www.therapy-conscious.com

Ann L. Palik is a licensed marriage and family therapist in Los Angeles, California, specializing in helping single people create healthy relationships.

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Dating After 40: The First Time … Calling Him

Dating After 40: The First Time … Calling Him

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Top 10 Ways to Seduce Women

Online Dating Tips-I See Someone I Like-Now What?

Why Dating A Russian Woman Has Become Popular

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Atlanta Singles Dating Red Flags-What Saying I Love You Too Soon Really Means in the Dating World

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Planning A Date

Fun Ideas for Your First Date

Finding Love In Uniform - Military Dating Online

It's Tricky - How To Navigate Internet Dating

How To Make The Most Of Online Dating

How to Achieve the Success of Online Dating You Crave

Dating Tips 101

Becoming a Master of Online Dating

What Makes a Man Fall in Love

Long Distance Online Dating: When to Change Your Location

What You Should Know About Dating Safely

Signs of a Cheating Girlfriend

A Nice Guy's Guide to Dating Success

American Singles

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